It's not often talked about, because guys are supposed to be tough. And guy marathoners--marathoners in general being a tough lot, impervious to the elements and with unusual threshholds for pain--are supposed to be tougher still. But someone has to come out and talk about it. Staying silent any longer will only perpetuate the hurting, and God knows we've suffered long enough. The last 5 years have brought about some wonderful innovations in running...the Garmin GPS watch, the iPod chip for your Nike's, Bodyglide, Gu, etc, etc. Yet, despite man's (and woman's) adeptness to innovate and make, by many accounts, a torturous activity less painful, we have failed to make any improvements in the most essential piece of running equipment of all--the jockstrap. In 1874, Charles Bennett of the Chicago sporting goods company, Sharp & Smith, invented the jockstrap. I'm sorry to say that the basic design has not changed much since then. A typical jockstrap consists of an elastic waistband with a support pouch for the genitalia and two elastic straps affixed to the base of the pouch and to the left and right sides of the waistband at the hip. This is all well and good if you're looking for a little extra support to check the mail, or say, do some light gardening. But, people...please! We're talking about sustained, vigorous physical activity for several hours with 130 year old technology protecting the most precious asset known to man (literally). For starters, for those of you (like me...and maybe Martin) that genuinely need the support, a jock strap must be tight fitting. You don't just want the thing casually covering the groceries. I'm talking about real support. Have you ever heard of testicular tortion? I didn't think so. Try explaining that one to the emergency room nurse. My point is, to get any type of real support, you're talking about a waist band (referenced above) and straps affixed to the pouch (also referenced above) that are likely lacerating the skin in some fairly sensitive areas....with 42,000 or so strides in a marathon, think of the number of times those straps are ruthlessly rubbing in and around the "no fly zone." And while the adrenaline is often times enough to get you through the run itself, there is always the shower afterwards...and soap and water have a way of penetrating the "no fly zone" (OUCH!!!!) and reminding you after every long run history has improved a lot of things, but has abandoned the male distance runner on a painful island, begging to be rescued. So please, guys...join with me in my protest...and girls, support (no pun intended) the guy you love. It's the 21st century. Call your local sporting goods company, write Champion, or Under Armour. Fix the damn jockstrap!
-Red Bones
5 comments:
bones,
no one will dare comment on your posting because they probably think you are looney tunes! HA. but in all seriousness, thank you for taking the time to provide all of us with some comic relief, as well as a man's perspective on what it's like to run a marathon.
try to get some speed work done this week so you don't get passed on the track by 2 chicks next tuesday night! loser buys beers afterwards!
let me get out my violin. c'mon dude...there are woman out there running marathons a few months postpartum and they are not asking for some sport company to come out with some innovative device that keeps their valuable insides from falling out or for an "on the go" milking machine to relieve their engorged breasts while running numerous miles. why don't you just wear some biker shorts...there problem solved. mcguire aren't u glad you invited me to read your blog???!!!! sorry bones! i will pray for your "boys"! i probably won't be invited to post on this blog any longer.
Do women get groin pulls?
While I freeze my nads 4 times a day icing my thigh "adductors" it struck me that no female runner has ever complained of this injury to me. Not that I mind a woman showing me just where it hurts.
And on the bouncing balls, in defense of my man Hard Bones, I think he's commenting that for once, the U.S. consumer-industrial economy has sunk tons of doe into big-boob restraining devices but haven't been able to tone down the bouncing of the smaller more tender rounders.
Women: we men want to support you ;-)
We all want the boobs not to sag. We support the new-fangled contraptions designed for the long run. But, wow, we've got you cornered on nerve-ending density. Don't mess with the implications of the density.
Kerry: I appreciate your advice. I've tried heavy duty duct tape, but the adhesive makes removal painful. I've tried advanced aeronautical equipment similar to the harnesses astronauts use for their "space walks" when they are making repairs on the outside of the space shuttle, but I find the apparatus difficult to cover up with running shorts, even sized XXL. As the husband of a female runner and father of two, I am familiar with the electric pump--I believe we used a Medela--and think your idea is a good one. Why not pump on the go? I remember my wife getting bored just sitting around and pumping for hours and hours. That is a good suggestion. As regards your comment on the bike shorts, I've tried them and they just don't support the way a jock strap does, although they are far more comfortable. Always open to suggestions....
-RB
red bones, i was just joking around with my post. i was bored and decided to have fun with your blog. i am sure there are many large breasted woman runners out there that wish sports bras were made with more support too!!! don't get me wrong, i am not attempting to compare boobs and balls because i know both are entirely different commodities with different pain thresholds, especially if they are not well supported. i am not a marathon runner so i can only imagine the toll it takes on all of your body not just your "doo dads"!!!!! good luck with your quest for "support"...and more importantly good luck with your training. i admire all of you that have the mental toughness and stamina to compete.
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